You’ve probably seen a shit ton of people saying that in order to be successful you need to be unbothered by other people’s opinions. Now this isn’t exactly feasible for two reasons.
Without criticism, we don’t grow.
Being completely unbothered requires not caring about anyone but yourself and that’s hard because human beings are inherently emotional people.
So, in this article I’m gonna tell you how to be "unbothered" to the required extent. How to not care about anyone, to an extent.
1. Know The Difference Between Stupid Opinions & Constructive Criticism
Other people’s opinions only cause harm to us when we take them too seriously. This is because some of the people we tolerate, we shouldn’t. Some of the people we put on the pedestal, don’t belong there. When you are deciding whether or not to consider someone’s criticism, ask yourself these questions.
Has this person accomplished more than me?
Does this person know what I’ve been through to get here?
Have I caused any sort of harm to this person?
If the answer to any of these questions is “ Yes.” then you can consider their criticism. If all of them are answered with “No.” they can go fuck themselves. They do not need to occupy one more second of your time.
2. Build A Good Quality Ship
Okay, you now identify as a ship. I promised myself I wouldn’t use too many metaphors but the situation calls for it, I am sorry (no I’m not). Anyway, you are a ship. And life is the ocean. And the ocean doesn’t really care about you. It’s not gonna be like, “Oh it's you! I’m gonna make the tide really low and give you some cute little waves so you can have a peaceful journey!” I mean this could happen to you. If you’re the universe's favorite child or something. But it's highly likely that your ass is gonna get whooped every now and then by a big ass wave. The point is, you need to have a top of the notch ship. Premium quality planks and whatnot. NOTHING should be able to shake you. Tsunami? More like surf wave. Spend your time bettering yourself first and then your circumstances. Focus on building a strong resilient ship i.e. becoming secure in your emotions. Do this by understanding your feelings, identifying emotional triggers, shadow work, working on your ability to bounce back, etc.
3. Your Brain is a Little Stupid
All of our brains are. I say this because the brain often makes up a bunch of shit and tries to convince you that the world is ending or that you’re a horrible person (you’re probably not). When being unbothered, we need to prevent being bothered by ourselves too. In order to do this, make a list of basic truths, also called premises. For example, a list of premises would look something like this,
Reminders for Stupid Brain:
I am probably blowing the situation out of proportion.
I have everything under control.
My friends don’t hate me.
I am a good person.
I deserve to be treated with respect.
Just look back at your list when you find yourself spiralling.
DON'T JUST READ THIS ARTICLE AND THEN FORGET ABOUT IT OKAY. HERE’S A LIST OF REMINDERS:
Ask yourself the three questions before considering criticism.
Build emotional security by
Journalling
Doing Shadow Work
Spending time with yourself
Identifying your emotional triggers
Make a list of premises and keep it somewhere easily visible.
Have a wonderful rest of your day pookie.
Love,
Aluvia :)